Valentine’s Day. It’s traditional to send flowers, chocolates and stuffed teddies but fuck that right? You’re not sending gifts to the sick children’s hospital, you’re a fucking wine drinker! This year, forget all of the cliche gifts, express yourself with booze and you’ll have a much better chance of getting what you’re after*.
Soppy & Pink
If you’re not quite ready to break away from the traditional soppy Valentine’s gift, then this bottle could be just the one for you. Pink, fizzy and typically Valentine’s, this bottle of Brut Rosé could be the perfect gift to say how you really feel.
Je T’aime Brut Rose is available in the US from vampire.com
Romantic Valentine’s Dinner Idea
Okay so this isn’t a wine as such, but everybody knows that wine and 6 inch sausages go really well together. This little number comes from Art of Meat, a family butchers based in Cambridge.
According to the press release:
Everyone knows that Butchers make the best lovers, so we have harnessed our meat-mojo to create a sausage that will aid the common man in the affairs of the heart, a juicy six inch bringer of joy, which in these cold and cheerless times will hopefully put a smile on the faces of Britain.
The ingredients of this little pecker include champagne, cocoa knibs and rabbit – ooh I say! A fruity red wine with lots of blackcurrants will probably make a suitable match as will a partner with a good sense of humour.
This erotic sausage is available from Art of Meat, 45 Arbury Court, Cambridge, UK.
Easy Drinking
A blend of Barossa Nebbiolo (85%) and Clare Valley Shiraz (15%) this wine says what you’re hoping it’ll lead to. This is a bottle for quick drinking. No need to savour the moment here, just try and get ready for round two.
Quickie wine is available in Australia from Some Young Punks.
Get it in you!
“Penetration is always satisfying” reads the description for this wine. I haven’t been able to find it online very easily, but I’m assured it does exist.
Share Your True Feelings
There’s a tendency to think that Valentine’s day is all about telling your partner how much you love them! Well what if you don’t? Valentine’s Day could be the perfect opportunity to tell your partner that actually you think she’s a complete bitch. I think there’s room for more insulting wine names here and they don’t have to be just for partners!
Bitch wine is available in the US from marketviewliquor.com
Oh and if Your Girlfriend’s Fat…
It would be rude to call her that, so call her bubbly instead. Bubbly bitch is a blend of Chardonnay, Shiraz and Grenache and has strawberry, raspberry and toffee notes.
Available from shopuncorked.com
But Don’t Worry Girls, You Can Get Him Back
Fat Bastard Shiraz available from friendsofwine.com
Happy Valentine’s Day!
* Research suggests that wine is good for sex.
Photo credits: basykes, cookedandbottledinbrunswick.blogspot.com
I'm James, a wine blogger and the writer behind Regular Wino. I don't pretend to know much about wine, I just drink a lot of it. What I remember of it the next day I like to put into words.
